Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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