i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Porn is love you can see.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
