Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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