I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
