Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
