my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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