Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
