i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
