are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
