i think i have herpe
just one?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
