Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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