we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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