very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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