so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
