Pants 0. Shit 1.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
