I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
