Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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