can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
