Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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