dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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