just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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