is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
