Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
