just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
