I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
