i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
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I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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