The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
