where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
