Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
