Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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