I just saw a hot homeless man
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
