i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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