This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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