guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
