my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
