you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
