I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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