I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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