People in love make me want to vomit
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
dude. I can hear the air.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
