He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
