this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
