he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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