I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
