Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
