I just made out with a guy for $7.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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