Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
