I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
