Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize