Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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