Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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