watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
