I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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