both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
