if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
