capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
