I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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