I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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