M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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