I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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