i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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