The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
