Don't make out with my wife yet
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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