i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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