We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think i got beer on your cat.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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