I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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