the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
