Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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