gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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