I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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