did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If I die, sorry about rent.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
